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Study on the plight of the straight white male

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College of Charleston

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- satire

Study on the plight of the straight white male

Are WASPs going extinct?

Emma Mandel

10.3.17

Sitting in our breakfast nook, my roommates and I discuss the biggest problems we face today. All of us are fiercely feminist and queer, so naturally we fit right into the stereotypical college way of thinking. Crazy, leftist beliefs such as equal rights and representation are just a few things we are passionate about.
Some might even call us radicals.

College campuses have been getting progressively more inclusive, and, as a result, they have been trying really hard to start a conversation about previously overlooked issues such as appreciating minority cultures and alternative ways of thinking.

However, throughout all this inclusion, one group is being left out: the straight white male. My roommate’s brother, a junior at Clemson University, made this excellent point the last time he came for a visit. He claimed that as a straight white male he “no longer had a voice on campus.” His words really got me thinking about how tough it might be for them. Straight white males have traditionally always had everything catered exactly for them, so this shift must be a complete culture shock.

Just imagine having literally everything designed especially for your demographic, and then, all of a sudden, having to cope with everyone being awarded that privilege. I shudder to even think about it. To have to share representation equally while still retaining all rights and privileges is a tragedy no words can accurately describe.

My bleeding liberal heart goes out to them. Straight white males are being silenced across our nation, and if we don’t do something soon, they may even become oppressed. So, how can we help this downtrodden community? I searched day and night for an answer to this question. I spent hours pondering and asking everyone I knew when, out of nowhere, the answer hit me.

We silence all other groups.

We must go back to the way things were. Historically, the straight white male has always had the power, and who are we to try and change that? Just because they are becoming the minority on campus does not mean that they don’t deserve the entirety of public representation. I have decided to make it my mission to try to stop this progress from moving forward. How? By petitioning to shut down all outreach centers and boycotting every student organization which tries to spread awareness. I implore all of you to do the same. If we don’t fight this together, then what will our future look like? A place where all voices are heard and all points of view are taken into account? I can’t even imagine what horrors such a future would bring. So please, for the sake of the poor, poor Straight White Male, please do all you can to stop this so called "progression." They need our support in this difficult time.